oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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