Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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