i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
