i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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