Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
