Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
