Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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