Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
