Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
