I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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