Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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