If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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