It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
