You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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