god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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