According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
