dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
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Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
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There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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