Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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