just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
