Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
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That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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