ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
