at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Randomize
