I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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