its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
operation have a gay friend backfired
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
