There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
