you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
