2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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