He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
