After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
