No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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