He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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