i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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