I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
