the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
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1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize