The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
