Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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