eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
