I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
we should paint friendship bongs
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
