All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
