she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
no you cant smoke seaweed
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
