Just fell off a train. Bad.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
