no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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