I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
