Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
