Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
