that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
