you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
