I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
