I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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