what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
