I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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