Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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