I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
