Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
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no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
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Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
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