omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
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Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
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When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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