the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
