Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
