there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
