Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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